Stop This Train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.



I love the lyrics to this song and I think it sums up what I am feeling this week. Yesterday, my baby turned 22 and today, my baby sister turned 50. I know, I know...it's so cliche to say, "Where does the time go?" but really....WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? My life is going by so fast and I worry that I spend my time waisting most of it. If I don't make a conscious effort every day to accomplish something, even if it is just dusting or folding towels, I can spend too much time on the computer, running to Target for things I don't need or searching for the perfect lip gloss (I have about 12 in my drawer practically the same color). Yet I fall in bed every night like I was doing something important like a 15 hour brain surgery. Really my life is not that complicated but I think I have reached a point where I just kind of wander from mindless task to mindless task. I know...I'm living the dream. There are people, like my sister who run two dental practices, sits on a little league board (mind you, has no kids in little league), is heavily involved in her son's lives, has three horses that need to be fed and exercised and an array of other important activities. She would love a day of mindless running around. I hate to say this, but I think I need a job...okay a part-time job. Wait, if I got a job, wouldn't my days even go by faster?


Okay, maybe I don't need a job but maybe what I need to do is take on the day and squeeze as much valuable living into it that I can so when I do fall into bed exhausted, it was because I did something worthwhile. Since my son's injury, I have had to help him with his daily stuff but with each day, he needs me less and less. It's kinda like when he went off to kindergarten, I needed to re-evaluate. I think I am getting to the same place. Kristin has moved out and Brian can pretty much take care of himself now....where does that leave me?


In eight very short years I will be an age that starts with a six!! I'm not quite sure how that happened. I do know when I was working and raising kids the days flew by but I never expected that time of my life to be over so soon. I remember thinking, "I can't wait to be able to go to a store and have Brian not run around under the racks of clothes." and "soon, Kristin will be old enough to babysit her brother and we can go out without having to pay a sitter." Those days came and went. I guess I can look forward to chasing my grand (gulp) kids around department stores.


I think I need more than a to-do list to make my life meaningful...plus I hate list...too confining and rigid. How do we stop or just slow down this runaway train? Maybe that is the wrong question. What if we didn't stop it but totally enjoyed it like a thrilling roller coaster ride? What if life was so full and rich that we actually wanted the train to keep going so when the ride was over, we giggled and screamed, "I want to ride some more!" Just like the lyric says, "Don't for a minute, change the place you're in." I've got to learn to appreciate the time I am living in now...not wish for younger days and not worry too much about the future.


 I gotta go....got a train to catch!